The Art of Saying No

People are funny creatures, people hate being told no and most importantly, people hate being told no in the wrong way. I once made the mistake of just telling someone I couldn't go to their birthday- will I be invited again next year? Won't be making that mistake again.

Personally, I don't think these rules should apply, or have any place, in the professional world because it's your prerogative to say no [when it's not part of your job description], especially if it's an extracurricular activity that you are there to "enjoy"- read, LFW. Everyone goes, everyone hates it, everyone has to pretend they love it. Granted, there are some exceptions, like LFW, where you just have to pull your socks up and get on with it; but by and large, my opinion on "out of hours" work events is pretty cut and dry.

There may be a knack to getting the negative delivery just right but, in general, you are your own boss as a freelancer and only you can set your boundaries. It's taken me quite a while to realise this- for a long time I would say yes to anything any Fashion Assistant, Fashion Director or Shopping Editor asked me to do. Like the time I assisted on an all-day shoot on a Saturday, in the middle of November during a tube strike for no money because the FA called on Friday night in a panic and told me that I'd be given clothes and gift cards instead of money. Needless to say, none of that materialised- lesson learnt.

My boyfriend is continuously reminding me that, as a freelancer, I don't really have any loyalties to anyone and should always do what works best and is most beneficial to me- that's what the people employing me are doing! 'This applies to occasions when booked days working for a company have been cut unexpectedly and at short notice, and I have not kicked up a fuss, or said one word in fact, because I fear being labelled "difficult". I think this is the thing that gets most people- we are all afraid to exercise our right to say no because we don't want to be seen as unwilling to help or, God forbid, as lazy. We must always remember that it's not unwillingness or laziness that makes us want to say no, but a whole host of other reasons most commonly referred to collectively as.. Life. Because you don't want to miss a weekend lie-in with your partner, because you don't want to skip having dinner with an old friend, because you have a value and that isn't always reflected in what you are asked to do- so you say no, and that is ok.

I have always been honest, and professional integrity is important- I've turned down many last minute things to honour pre-arranged commitments. Like the time I didn't assist on a GQ cover shoot with Idris Elba because it clashed with my last day of work experience at Vogue, or the time I didn't say yes to helping a Vogue FA, now a very successful Fashion Editor, on a shoot because I was on a placement at Net-A-Porter and couldn't get the time off last minute. I don't know if saying no to those things has harmed my career, I'd like to think not, but if I dwell on it for too long I only torture myself. I like to think that being true to your word and commitment is more important, in the long run, than flaking out and taking a better offer if it comes along. After all, isn't the moral of the story that the grass isn't necessarily greener?